In Ybor City FL, pastor Paul Wirth issued a challenge to the married members of his congregation: have sex with your spouse every day for 30 (presumably consecutive) days. Lest we think this is some sort of “progressive” move in which members of a church’s congregation are bombarded with sex, there is actually a certain level of social genius in issuing a challenge to married couples to reconnect in the most intimate of ways. I’ve long preached (and I know I’m not the only one) that the marital relationship of husband/wife within a family structure must be the primary relationship and as such, requires intentional care.
Pastor Wirth has reminded his congregation that life gets in the way all too often, and we respond to those barriers first as they present themselves because they are right in front of us. In the working world, these barriers may be all that stands between a spouse and unemployment. Kids have activities by the dozens, many of which had been initiated long ago to give kids a sense of purpose, a sense of belonging, a sense of community, and to also learn how to have fun and learn something all at the same time. All good ideas, these, yet they pull parents in too many different directions at the same time. Stress comes as a result of all these attention-grabbing situations (and I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg!), we get home to our beloved sanctuary, and all we want to do is crash.
In the midst of all this chaos is a relationship that is being neglected because it is taken for granted that this relationship will always exist. We learn to take our spouses for granted and pretty soon, they start getting those pangs of loneliness. We are social creatures by nature, so it stands to reason that this void created by neglect needs to be filled. This scenario does not always lead to adulterous relationships, but they do almost always spell trouble on many levels. Pastor Wirth also mentioned to his congregation the 50% divorce rate in this country (depending on which poll, some suggest the highest rate of divorce among evangelical born-agains!) that demands our attention. We cannot simply hope ours will not suffer a similar fate.
We would do well to pay attention to the finer points of what I think this pastor is trying to get across to his congregation. It is especially more so with couples who have been married a lot of years and are barely intimate 30 times in an entire year. Absent any sort of physical intimacy, they are reduced to not much more than roommates and fellow parents of common children.
There is a problem with this challenge: not everyone is physically capable. Does this mean ED therapy or other medical treatments so that it can become physically possible again? Or does it suggest that those who cannot enjoy a physical relationship with their spouses are doomed to such a meaningless, soul-less existence? Hardly.
The focus of Pastor Wirth’s challenge should not be contingent upon participants’ health and physical well-being and if it is, he has short-changed a huge portion of his congregation including those who have suffered some debilitating illness or injury by which such intimacy is no longer possible. What then? He would surely not suggest that these marriages are suddenly void of any real meaning because sex is not being enjoyed? What about those who are single or are engaged and about to be married? Does such a challenge suggest to these people that a genuine love relationship such as between husband and wife is not legitimate, meaningful, or purposeful unless sex is a part of it?
I suppose the pastor’s challenge could be misconstrued in any number of ways, but it does make a good point in how we deal with our married relationships and what we’ve come to expect from them and what we have come to expect from our spouses. To those for whom this challenge is physically possible, I say go to it; the sooner, the better. After a few days it may become drudgery, but that may well be the entire point. Regardless of what comes forward, time each day for this challenge must be carved out. And let the imagination run wild! But it is a discipline like almost anything else in which we are reminded daily that there is a relationship we must pay attention to. We cannot know if such a challenge will cause problems – I suppose this is possible – but if the focus of such a challenge is properly placed, we may be surprised to find that it has less to do with sex and more to do with reminding us all to DAILY see to the well-being of our spouses whether we feel like it or not, even whether we are angry with them or not, because this is – is it not? – what “love” really is?
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