There is a man I know who recently left his wife for another woman and now attends church with his new love. It must be known that this man's wife is an active member of one church, and it is highly unlikely that she has been involved in any sort of extramarital affair though it is clear that this man is now. To complicate matters, he attends church pretty regularly with his new "friend". I don't know if they have plans to marry anytime soon, but I have to admit that I am extremely uncomfortable with the prospect that they may one day choose to do so or that the pastor of their church will allow it to happen, if not actually officiate.
The UM Judicial Council ruled that a pastor has broad "power" (and I hesitate to use that word) to decide who may or may not join a church, depending upon the new parishioner's understanding of what church membership actually entails. Rather than "power", I think "responsibility" or "duty" or "obligation" would be more appropriate words to use in the case of a pastor who would deny membership or nuptials under certain circumstances. In fact, "duty" would be more appropriate for the pastor to deny this man any active role in the life of this new church lest this man come to believe that what he has done can somehow be justified.
Who has a duty to speak up in such a case? Would it be appropriate for me to contact this pastor and make him aware of this man's new life? After all, we each have obligations toward one another. Is it right to allow this man to believe that what he has done, and is doing, is somehow ok? Like back in my drinking days when I chose alcohol over my own family (is this any less cheating?) and nearly destroyed my life and my family, this man's spiritual well-being may be in jeopardy. If I am truly a disciple of Christ and if I truly possess Christ-like love in my heart, should I not be disturbed that this man is poisoning not only himself but his new "friend" and perhaps his own children who are witnesses to this new relationship? Are they being somehow taught that what he has done is acceptable?
As I have stated so often in writings and in sermons (as quoting Fr. Corapi of EWTN), genuine, biblical, agape love is not an emotion; it is an intentional act of the will such as Jesus' refusal to back away from His crucifixion. His prayer at Gethsemane indicates very much a Man who did not cherish this "cup" that He asked to be removed from Him; He did not want to do this thing. However, a love that can only come from a divine heart somehow knew that this coming series of events was not about Him as an individual; it was about the love of the Almighty Father for an entire world of persons. "Self" chose others.
We all suffer to one extent or another, and in some cases it is ok to pursue other options such as a new job. A marriage, however, is another story. Our culture, our society, would tend toward telling this man that the Lord wants him to be happy and if he has been unhappy in his marriage, then he should do whatever it takes to regain his own happiness. Our scripture, however, says something entirely different. It is not ok to leave hearth and home in pursuit of worldly desires. The Bible makes this abundantly clear; our churches do not.
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"Who has a duty to speak up in such a case?"
... why not you?
I'm wondering that very thing. What holds me back is that there is much more I don't know than what I do know. I know this man left his wife (his wife confided in my wife), and I know this man is attending another church. Only a small part of what I don't know is this man's relationship with the woman (ok, he was holding hands with her yesterday at a festival, so maybe I do know).
What I also know is that I've given you more excuses about why I shouldn't approach this man or this pastor. If I were in Kansas, I'd ask you to do it!
I appreciate your heart in this matter and your struggle to follow the Lord. Maybe an email message to the pastor asking for his input would break the ice.
Someone close to me did virtually the same thing about ten years ago in my home church. A man in the choir and the choir director began to have an affair. Both parties divorced and the two were married in that same church by the pastor who watched it all happen. There was no pastoral couceling offered to any of the kids on either side nor to the abandoned spouses. To add insul to injury, most fo the people in the church not only ignored the sin that was happening in their midst and the resulting pain it brought to others, but actually celebrated the "match made in heaven." It still makes me feel ill thinking about it.
I wonder what kind of counseling would be appropriate under such circumstances? I also wonder if either of these persons approached the pastor before a decision to leave their spouses was made? As even a part-time pastor, I most especially wonder what this pastor was thinking? He would have been more in ministry to these persons if he had refused to perform the ceremony. As it is, all he did was affirm an adulterous relationship. Sad.
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