It's been a pretty tough week for me, so I've neglected my writing. In fact, I've neglected almost everything, choosing instead to draw up to myself and have a pity party. The reasons are not as important as my reactions to the circumstances that caused my distress. Suffice it to say, this has been the least productive week possibly of my entire life.
Numbers 11 is a piece of work in which the Israelites once again complain to Moses that the manna they receive abundantly and without any effort is no longer good enough for their nourishment; they want meat. It is no longer enough that they are being sustained and that their genuine needs are being met. They have desires, and they are beginning to remember (yet again) how "good" things were when they lived in bondage in Egypt. They recall all the different foods that were available to them, not realizing that they were being sustained like so much livestock.
(There could be a whole other thought about how food and eating should not be taken as some kind of recreational sport, but that is for another time.)
In the end, the Israelites get quail virtually thrust upon them and judgement soon follows due to their ungrateful hearts and lack of faith. They choke on the meat they thought they could not live without.
This is where I am now, dear reader. I have suffered some personal and professional setbacks and I have spent the week complaining that what I want is not coming to fruition, so there must be this grand conspiracy to "get" me. While this may be true, it is the aftermath of reacting to such circumstances that define the condition of the heart and soul. The "manna" that has been in my life in such abundance has suddenly become tiresome and is no longer good enough.
Though I still have a lot more to do in my efforts to "get over it", I am well on my way to being more aware of the blessings that are in my life in no small measure. I am being given all I could possibly "need", and then some. Why is it not good enough? I fear it is because I am wrapped far too tightly in my flesh and have neglected my spiritual needs which are substantial.
Count your blessings, dear readers. If we were to take stock of all the good in our lives and focus more on what we have rather than on what we think we lack, we could more easily see the majesty of the Lord in our lives just as surely as we can see Him in a fiery sunset.
He is there, and He is now.
2 comments:
I have been waiting for this post; I figured it wouldn’t be long before you wrote about it. Like I said because I consider you a friend so I feel compelled to say these things. I hope I am not out of line and poking my nose where it doesn’t belong, if so then forgive me in advance. A few of us were told the day it happened and as I walked out of that office I felt sucker punched. I could only imagine how you felt. In my opinion and many others I have spoken to (you know we all talk) the powers that be have made a huge blunder. For the life us we cannot figure out what they were thinking. As if morale wasn’t low enough on that floor, they took it to a new low last week. You should know that no one that I have talked to thinks this was a proper thing to do. You have a following, if you will. Your work ethic and constant striving for perfection has taught many of us a great deal. These things combined with the fact that I have only met few others in my life that have the integrity that you posses. The lack of your leadership will leave a gaping hole on that floor. Notice that in this writing I have used the words “us” and “we.” That is because these words come from a great many, not just myself. So, with all that said when are we going to play golf and talk bad about folks?
Jason,
I appreciate your support and your friendship more than words can express. It's hard to get used to, but I guess I must. Though I was only given very vague answers, it has been made pretty clear by certain actions that I have pee'd on someone's shoes. One day I may find out who it was, or maybe one day someone will "man up" and face me directly and tell me specifically what actions I committed that warranted such measures.
Having said this, however, I am (still) compelled to do the best job I can and continue to strive to set higher standards even as I just want to crawl in a hole and die. It has been hard to walk with my head held high, and I am still a little embarrassed that I (almost) let them beat me.
Once I get Chelsea graduated and things settle down (after the weekend of the 20th), let's plan to play some golf. We're way overdue.
Thank you again.
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