A Fathers Grief

2 Sam 18:5-33
Luke 15

I remember a movie I saw years ago – and I don’t recall the name of the movie or even exactly how long ago it was – in which the parents had three children and a seemingly normal life. They had a nice home and nice cars and lived in a pretty nice neighborhood. From all appearances, they were living the good life. There was only one thing wrong with this picture-perfect portrait of the all-American family: the oldest of the three kids, a son, was in bad shape.

This oldest child had turned to drugs and alcohol, he stayed out till all hours, he was intensely disrespectful to his parents and downright abusive toward his siblings. By all accounts, this kid was completely out of control.

The parents were giving the boy a great deal of attention in trying to understand what was causing his abusive and destructive behavior. They even tried discipline, but it only made things worse. Doctors, counselors, and psychologists were telling the parents that all the boy needed was a little latitude and a lot of love, that he was just trying to ‘find himself’. So the parents gave him free reign to pretty much do as he pleased.

The problem with all the attention being paid to the eldest child was that the other children were feeling neglected. They could see that their brother was in trouble and they could see that he needed help, but they did not understand – could not understand – why this PROBLEM CHILD was being as bad as he was being and was still being given this wide range in which he only got worse instead of better. The ‘good’ kids just could not understand how it could be that while they played by the rules and kept up with their school work and chores, this ‘bad’ kid was free to come and go as he pleased.

Oftentimes a parent’s love is blind. We see our children through our own eyes and are not always able to see that there may be problems. We always want to believe that we’ve done our best to raise decent human beings and that our hard work, efforts, and sacrifices will pay off in our children’s lives. More often than not, though, others can see problems more clearly because their perspective is not shaded like a parent’s is.

This old movie came to mind as I reread the story of King David’s rebellious son. Absalom was openly fighting against the king, and David was even forced to flee from the wrath of his own son. And yet the warrior king would not turn a hand against his own flesh and blood even at the potential risk of an entire kingdom. In fact, David’s direct orders were to spare the boy.

As blinded as we can be about potential problems with our own children, we can be equally blinded against the “big picture” when our own children are somehow involved and this is where David found himself. I cannot help but to wonder if the well-being of the nation ever crossed his mind as he was running from his own son. As king, David’s responsibilities toward the nation and especially to the Lord God could not be ignored, yet David’s primary concern was not for the nation or for himself. He was worried about what might happen to Absalom.

Did he maybe hope that Absalom would eventually realize the error of his way and repent on his own? We can be pretty sure that the only fear David had was for the life of his son, so we cannot say David was running because he was afraid to confront Absalom. And he certainly could not have been afraid of losing his kingdom because of the Lord’s covenant. The welfare of the kingdom may never even have crossed his mind. So what, then, can a story such as this tell us? We would be pretty sure that the nation of Israel would endure, and we obviously see that Absalom lost his life.

Among all the arguments about the accuracy of the Bible and whether or not the stories can be “literally” true, I still believe that the Lord had to have had a hand in it all. And if we can believe such a thing, we must surely believe that every story has a byline from the Lord God himself and a message to His people. And His people are those who trust Him and believe in His promises.

It seems to me that the underlying theme of the story of Absalom’s death and David’s grief is a relational theme that exists between the Holy Father of all and His “rebellious” children who seem to fight against Him at every opportunity. It may well be that the Lord wanted us to see for all time how our rebellion against Him and His will for our lives affects Him.

It is not easy to “see” the Lord as One capable of emotion but I think that if He is a God of love at all, then He must certainly be capable of showing emotion. We can easily see from the Exodus stories that He is quite capable of anger, but that certainly cannot be all there is to such a One as He. There has to be more, and I think the entire 15th chapter of Luke shows us the portrait of a Heavenly Father who feels what we would know as “emotional” pain when we are separated from Him BY OUR OWN CHOICE and complete elation when we are reconciled to Him, again BY OUR OWN CHOICE.

It is often that many pastors and churches wonder if what we do has any sort of positive effect on people because it is not always readily apparent that we matter one way or the other except for those who attend services. The book of Acts speaks of THOUSANDS who came to believe, and we just don’t see much of that in our little corner of the world. So it can be pretty disheartening to work hard to present something positive to the community and not have the community respond in overwhelming numbers as “THOUSANDS”.

Yet Luke records stories as told by Jesus that help us to remember that even as “THOUSANDS” came to believe as a result of the work and evangelism of the apostles, each individual counted as “one”. And then “one” more, etc. In other words, the new converts were not counted as “THOUSANDS” as a whole necessarily but, rather, as “THOUSANDS” of “one” at a time. And as each “one” came forward and turned his or her heart over to the Lord, the whole of the kingdom of Heaven “REJOICED”.

The parable of the “lost son” is a lot like that old movie I mentioned before except that the “lost son” simply chose to leave his home rather than stay and fight. Yet the parental mentality remains the same in us as in the Holy Father: repent and be welcomed home with no questions asked. And there will be a celebration the likes of which we may never have seen before!

As for the children who always lived and played by the rules, the love and the promise of the Father who was once grief-stricken over the loss of “only one” child offers this: “You are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was DEAD and is alive again! He was lost and is now found.” Luke 15:31-32

For the kingdom of Heaven, it is enough that only “one” chooses to come forward.