Sunday, August 26, 2012

Delightfully Faithful

Ecclesiastes 9:2-12
John 6:56-69


As we have continued to explore the perspective of the Love Dare© challenge that focuses primarily on married relationships, I continue to be amazed at the remarkable parallel of the marriage covenant between a man and a woman - and the covenant between Christ the Bridegroom and the Holy Church the Bride as well as the Covenant between Israel and the Holy Father.  We say it at the beginning of a wedding ceremony, but I don't think we give near enough attention in our day-to-day living to that parallel and what it means to us today - or what it should mean to us especially in a highly secularized culture such as ours that claims more "spiritual" - "emotional" - Christians and fewer intentional disciples who follow Christ with purpose, with focus, and with a willingness to work on protecting and maintaining the covenantal relationship - preferring instead for things to simply fall into place. 

Too many of these relationships have defaulted to an "auto pilot" setting that just goes with the flow, assumes too much, and often glosses over or ignores outright a potential problem and simply "hopes for the best" - until it is too late.  Spiritual, emotional Christians - typically among the younger set within the so-called "New Age" religion context - who seem to depend predominantly on whatever they happen to be "feeling" at any given time find themselves too often depending on mindless, effortless  "destiny" or "fate" as the determining factor of the success or failure of any relationship.  By and large we as a people have lost our way because we have lost - or outright surrendered - a significant component of what makes any relationship successful: effort.

The challenge of Love Dare© #14 says "Love takes (not "hopes for" or "waits for") delight"; intentionally and purposefully.  In this lesson we are reminded, as I shared previously, that disciples cannot - and must not - "follow their own hearts" lest we be proved the "fools" Scripture says such folks are.  We must not function purely according to instincts or impulses and personal desires, and certainly not according to our emotional state at any given time.  We are called to overcome our own human "conditioning" borne of a secular environment that too often treats our Lord and His lessons incidentally rather than purposefully! 

In all this we are called to something I think few of us seriously consider: learning to embrace those things we must do for the sake of discipleship and purposefully seek "joy" and find "delight" in these things.  In other words, learn to appreciate the components of discipleship that only seem redundant and burdensome and discover them as potential sources of pure joy for the sake of our relationship with the Lord through His Church and the Covenant - AND with one another within the Body of Christ. 

It is the very same principle in working on a marriage between husband and wife.  Early in the relationship, everything is easy and exciting because our emotional cup runneth over!  We are infatuated with every single thing about our spouses, and learning new things makes it all the more exciting.  Young love is like that.  Young, idealistic love truly believes things will always just "automatically" be that way because in our happiness, we can imagine no other way - nor should we!  Soon, however, reality sets in.  What was once "cute" becomes incredibly "annoying", and what was once so "attractive" may one day seem downright "repulsive"!  

Now some counselors and advisors have suggested that if that which was once endearing has become irritating, then we owe it to our spouses and to the relationship to be honest and tell them this "thing", whatever it may be, is no longer so cute.  That way, the reasoning goes, we are "working" on the relationship, but what are we really "working" on?  The reasoning can make some sense for the sake of open communication, but is it our spouse who must change a certain "thing" that was always a part of who they are, a quality of the person we once could not get enough of?  It hardly seems fair to suddenly ask our spouses to be less than what they have always been - especially when this "thing", whatever it is, was always a part of what made them so cute and attractive in the first place!

In such a scenario, it cannot be said that the couple is "working" on the marriage.  The one who brings up the annoying "thing" that was always there in the first place is the one who is asking the other to do the "work".  So it is more accurate to say that the one who demands the change may be the one in need of a serious attitude adjustment because if that "thing" always existed in our spouse, it clearly is the demanding spouse who must make the adjustment - because she or he is the only one who is bothered! 

It is consistent not only with the Love Dare© challenge that says, "Love takes delight"; it is consistent with the whole Love Dare© premise in which the burden of effort is upon US - and not the one whom we would wish to change into something more suitable to our tastes.  We are called to take the initiative - purposefully - toward finding "delight"!  The burden is on US to find and rediscover why we loved that "thing" in the first place because clearly our spouse has not changed - WE HAVE.  The "new" wore off, but the very same person we loved in the beginning is still there with all his or her endearing, cute, delightful, annoying, irritating, nerve-grating "things"!  Surely we can see that who we loved in the beginning still exists.  The one demanding the change must rediscover - and TAKE back - the "delight" that was always there ... and still is.  We simply must be willing to put forth the effort and do the work to seek it out.

It is the very same thing in working on the relationship we need between ourselves and the Lord through the Church.  It is utterly unfair and unreasonable - and downright arrogant - for us to come into the historic Church, find a certain redundancy in the "thing" we once found so fascinating and fulfilling, and suddenly demand the Church change when in reality, WE are the ones who changed.  And our demands changed with us.  Once we were not so demanding because we were "in love", but our cultural conditioning and subsequent reordering of priorities has compelled us to demand something of the Church the Church is not equipped nor scripturally called to provide - or exclude.  Like the demanding spouse, we may be demanding something that simply is not there - or demanding the removal of something that has always been an essential part of its existence.

Consider the essence of Jesus' teaching in John's gospel: "whoever eats Me will live because of Me".  Many disciples who heard this teaching walked away and never returned.  We can give some credit to the scriptural prohibitions against cannibalism, of course, but the essence of Torah - that life-giving instruction that is as ageless as the Holy God who proclaimed it - exists within the teaching.  Jesus put a seemingly contrary and radical spin on the whole thing so in order to gain from Him all that is required, we are going to have to take from this teaching all that will certainly give us the "delight" to know; because it's STILL there - always was and always will be.  We just have to be willing to put forth the effort rather than "demand" someone else do the necessary work or make the changes. 

Understanding such passages as these in the spirit in which Jesus intends will require real effort, a lot of work, and a little faith (just the faith of a mustard seed!).  I see the effort paying off in Jesus' proclamation that "no one can come to Me unless it is granted by the Father".  Meaning what?  Perhaps meaning that we must prove to our Holy Father that what is there - what has always been there - will be willingly and earnestly engaged BY US for the sake of the relationship and NOT simply taken for granted or used like some cheap "magic trick".  In other words, we may need to prove to our Holy Father that we will not let it simply go to waste - or expect more from it than we are willing to invest in it.  Like the marriage relationship between husband and wife, "taking" more than we are willing to "give" only means that sooner or later all we "take" will soon be depleted ... until there is no more to "take", nothing more our spouses would be willing to "give".

 The "dare" of challenge #14 for the sake of restoring or strengthening the married relationship is this: "Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.  Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on.  Just be together."

The Love Dare© challenge of our faith for the sake of restoring or strengthening the relationship with the Lord and His Church is the very same.  "Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your [Lord and His Church].  Do something [the Lord] would love to do or a project [the Church] would really like to work on.  Just be together."

It is "together" in relationships by which True Life - and True Love - are found; for it is as St. Peter said: "Where else can we go?  You have the words of Eternal Life."  AMEN.  

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